Tuesday, March 10, 2009

NASCAR

see the SEA of people??? well, i was one of the umpteen millions (or so it seemed) attending the Atlanta Speedway to view the Nascar races last Sunday! i felt all along i would be punished for skipping church, yup....that musta been the problem!!
seriously...we had friends from Iowa who are NASCAR junkies through and through who were taking a vacation to the south and to see us...and Nascar just "happened" to be occuring simutaneously with their vacation dates! woohoo! at first we declined going with them...we have NEVER been to a race...and quite frankly felt it was just a little "too" expensive...however, when we found out they could get us half price tickets...we caved in!...after ALL what harm could there be??? it might be FUN, right???? we should LOVE it, right????? after all, THEY LOVE IT!!! isn't that PROOF enuf???..........
hmmmmmmmm, well......i must preface the remainder of my comments and musings with the following statements....firstly.....i, in no way am criticizing the sport or our dear friends who love it!....and secondly.....Larry loved it.....so the rest of this post is MERELY the thoughts in my own head!!!!
i thought i would share with you what was really going on in my thought process from the very beginning to the very end...thoughts and then actual happenings......so bear with me!
i started the day with hopeful thoughts, thinking perhaps this might be somewhat like a carnival, with happiness and laughter all around...they wanted to arrive early, so as to be able to "shop" the racer's "wares".....SHOP, i thought to myself.....well, shopping is always a good thing, at least i think it is......surely i will find something very wonderful to buy also!.......so off we went, bright and early....OFF TO THE RACES!!!
...so we get there....and all of a sudden i realize we had to park about 100 miles from the actual event...well, not really...that is just how it 'felt" to me.....so we start the 'trek"....all the while seeing tail-gating galore...and did you KNOW that people actually CAMP for a week before the races right at the race track????......i find this unbelievable...but WHATEVA!
well, SOON......we, the females have to go to the bathroom...i was OVER-FLOATING from the many cups of coffee i had, JUST to wake me up and get me going that morning.....and we look around...and all we could see was row after row of, yup, you guessed it...OUTHOUSES!!!........there is NOT a more disgusting and disappointing site than that to me....while my eyeballs are floating.....and what is worse...the men and women used the SAME ones...oh ugh , puke, sick, vomit....i can hardly stand the thought of that, but there they were...men AND women in the same lines.....oh, what to do, what to do, i asked myself...then realizing i had NO choice...or just have WET pants....so we get in line.....and soon realize that the women were coming out of those pit holes saying there was NO toilet paper...so...ONLY the men could use them (and for only one thing...if ya know what i mean here folks)
so we excercise our cagleing ability and "hold" it......and trekked on to the information booth....and they duly pointed us to the restroom building! aha....they ARE civilized!!!....well, relief came and now we are ready to SHOP!!!......
or so i thought.....but actually........WHO wants to pay $25.00 for a cap or a shirt with a race car driver's name, who i never even KNEW existed before this day????.......not me...i would rather save my shopping money for TJ Maxx......so, well, NO shopping today......
meanwhile.......the wonderful cool breeze of the beautiful morning air was quickly turning into HEAT and BLAZING SUN....and if you know ME AT ALL....you KNOW...i am not a happy camper in temperatures above 70 and i literally melt in the sunlight......oh boy........and of course along with the heat comes the humidity...which leads to very BAD hair.......and melting make up.......and, well, you fill in the blanks....just let me tell ya...NOT A PRETTY PICTURE!
so along our way we go, and finally it is time to enter the stadium and find our seats......we do that and get settled.....and i knew Ron and Nancy were alive with anticipation and Larry was too.....but the minute my behind hit those horrible hard and unforgivable aluminum seats, and as soon as i realized the sun was BEATING into my left side with the utmost of heat and burning.......i was in for REAL trouble....i wanted to cry, scream, run, or all three, but i DARED not to...i certainly did not want to be the "big baby" and ruin everyone's fun....so i endured...and i do mean that in every sense of the word.....along with the enduring...i prayed...really i did...for a breeze...just any ol breeze...please, please Lord....and maybe just send that sun behind a cloud for the rest of the day....PLEASE!.......
somewhere along the way...they handed me a cap........so i put it on my already destroyed hair do...thinking how on earth can i add HAT head to the mess???
now, in the mean time.........NO ONE on planet earth could have prepared me for the NOISE!!! i did know there would be noise and i knew we might need headphones or ear plugs, but NO, dear bloggies, did i dream there would be noise like that!!!....it hurt my head, it hurt my eyes, it hurt my skin...and it definitely hurt my HAIR!!!.........i used the ear plugs because, seriously if i had put those headphones on my already heated up ready to explode head.....well, that is just what would have happened ...an explosion of expansive proportions, no doubt!
so i endured...and endured......i tried to act like i knew what was going on.....but honestly...it didn't even look like a race to me.....just going around and around and around.....only once in a while a little excitement....i was actually sitting there thinking..oh i hope there is a crash, or a fire...and massive danger...oh my word...then i thought how horrible of me to think in such a way....but the races i saw as a kid were on the fairgrounds and they TORE up the track and knocked everyone else OUT!! and i loved it.......but, no, this was too sophisticated, i guess...so i sat, and endured, and sweat, and twisted and turned, trying to believe aluminum really is comfortable, it's all in me head, it's all in me head.....and FINALLY! Nancy asks me to accompany her to the ladie's room!..........ahhhh.........finally,.....a way to escape, if but for a few minutes!.......
well, i gotta tell ya......once i got out of there...WILD horses couldn't have drug me back to my seat........so i, alone, sat outside the stadium for the rest of the race...people watching and counting the minutes!!!
Finally it was time to leave...and guess what happened to me??? i was wearing flip flops and of course they decided to FLOP...one of them broke and i now had to walk around concrete, gravel, trash, glass and whatever else debris...with one flip flop on and one flip flop off...i tried walking bare foot...and it was just too painful...so i HOBBLED all the way to the car.....like the ol grampa on the real McCoys!!!.......NO KIDDING.... i was so embarrassed.......at first...then i realized that i was a site for sore eyes and things couldn't get much worse anyway......
oh....air conditioning, home, bed, civilization never felt so good!!!!
Larry said his highlight of the day was when, after the race had evidently started.....(i had been listening for "GENTLEMEN START YOUR ENGINES".....but never heard it).......and about 5 minutes into the race i leaned over and SCREAMED to him........has it started????...i seriously wasn't sure...there sure wasn't anything exciting happening down there!....he was laughing his head off...but no one heard it because NO ONE COULD HEAR ANYTHING!
suffice it to say...i will NOT be attending Nascar any time soon.....but give me an old honky tonk fairground race at NIGHT...and i'll be there with bells on!...or maybe checkered pants on, who knows!

11 comments:

Susie said...

Great story, Sandi! We watched the race from our recliners, sipping on smoothies, in a comfy and climate controlled room. Those long races at the big tracks do get boring, and the crowds don't appeal to me either.

Sandi Hixson said...

Susie! YOU are the smart one!!! i gotta say...the thing i liked the best was the jets zooming by...that was impressive and a first for me...i have seen them do that on tv, but never witnessed it live...but then...as you can tell...i don't get out much...

mrsmarkdave said...

Oh my goodness. I have been waiting for this post. This is hilarious. I would have been just as miserable. I am NOT a racing fan. There is no way even a half price ticket could've gotten me there. Hope you're all recovered :)

Anonymous said...

Oh boy!...........It's not "Gentylemen start your engines"..........It's "DRIVERS START YOUR ENGINES" :) I don't know what I'm going to do with you??!!??

Anonymous said...

I, too, watched the race in comfort on my tv. We didn't get to see the end - because of church, but we found a video of the end of nascar.com. So, watching on tv is way better. You get many different views and people actually tell you what's going on.

Also, above anonymous, a female gave the opening announcement, and if I remember correctly, she did say "gentlemen, start your engines." It was horrible. I don't think she did a good job at all.

Another comment, next time you attend an event like that take a small stash of tp in your purse. Those events ALWAYS run out. groan!!!

Nanci said...

At least our weekend wasn't all a waste, we had beautiful weather and scenery.

Sandi Hixson said...

okay, now i didn't say it was a WASTE.....just something i probably would NOT do again...but , hey....i wouldn't have had blogging material, right???.........actually, AFTER the fact...i wouldn't have missed it for the world!....okay, i'm lying.....but still glad i went....oh, and Larry, HONEY...i TOLD YOU IT WAS GENTLEMEN!!!!.......nah nah

Anonymous said...

OK....OK........Only because a woman said it...and remember...we couldn't hear.........and she DID DO A LOUSY job! Those guys are NOT Gentleman!!!!! :)

Sandi Hixson said...

what??? being a GENTLEMAN is a GOOd thing!!!......what page are YOU on, darling?

Anonymous said...

Yes, gentlemen are a good thing, but the anon was saying that those nascar guys are not gentlemen... which I would have to agree with. They are most likely NOT. :) At least not a bit like Darcy and Bingley and the rest.

Patricia said...

Sandi, I am so glad you blogged about this. I always figured I would try NASCAR once... I mean, should be fun, right? But, I now know better. THANKS!